


accusation

by gilbertcest



Series: a drabble a day challenge // the infernal devices [2]
Category: Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, mentions of Jem and Will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 21:54:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2125938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilbertcest/pseuds/gilbertcest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wanted to run to the Silent City, wanted to knock and claw at it's doors until the Silent Brothers let her in, wanted to beg until they let her see Jem - her beloved Jem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	accusation

She wanted to run to the Silent City, wanted to knock and claw at it's doors until the Silent Brothers let her in, wanted to beg until they let her see Jem, - her beloved Jem - her fiancée, the man she loved and was supposed to be married to, supposed to love and be with until death parted them. Until his death parted them.

She had always known that Jem would die, would leave her sooner than later.

But this was different. He was out of her reach now. Not so far that she could grieve and move on, but far enough to make her hope that one day he would return to her and despair because she knew it would never happen.

She wanted someone to blame, someone to yell at, to hurt, to hate. For she had lost Jem and she could not bear life without him.

She wanted to hate Will, but he already hated himself enough.

As she had lost her fiancée, he had lost his parabatai.

She could not imagine how Will felt and sometimes when grief shook her, she wanted him to comfort her.

But in her heart of hearts all she wanted was to see Jem. To look into his kind, loving eyes and to tell him that life without him was unbearable and that she would stay in the Silent City forever, if it meant that she could be with him.

She knew of course that this was impossible, he was one of them now. A Silent Brother. He did not feel as he used to. He did not care.

Her Jem, even if his heart was still beating, was gone. The soul that had once been so close to hers, that she could see it through his music, was no longer here.

She would never see him smile at her, look at her with such love and tenderness. She would never again feel his touch, his kiss.

And that alone was enough to drive her mad.

She wanted to be able to hate him. Or anyone. Or everyone.

Anything was better than feeling like this. Having to turn away from Will was nothing compared to the agony she felt now.

Just as her Clockwork Angel, she felt empty, as if the soul that had once inhabited her body had left.

When Jem had left, he had taken her soul with him. And she could not grieve, nor could she move on.

All she was left with was the need to unburden herself, to hate something so much that she could not feel anything else.

Her hatred, like Mortmain's, needed to overshadow all of her other emotions.

And deep down she knew who to blame, for it was Tessa herself who had brought tragedy to Jem so soon.

She was the reason why he had not died, like he'd always said he would.

He had turned into a Silent Brother because he could not leave her alone on this earth.

But now she was lonelier than ever.

And it was her own fault.

All her fault.

**Author's Note:**

> ((unbeta'd and I never be bothered to read through my own writing again because then it sounds so silly to me))


End file.
